The Hunger Games Survival Guide

Hello people, plants and monkeys ,I say this because plants have feelings and people seem to think monkeys have something to do with our existence (keep on typing out Shakespeare's work monkeys!). I am writing to say I have been procrastinating on my blog until I got some inspiration. Luckily I have a loyal follower who has requested that I write a blog about the Hunger Games. If you have no idea what the Hunger Games is about your most possibly blind, mute, and deaf (and if you are reading this blog then you know about the Hunger Games). But just to be safe the Hunger Games is a book about kids who have special talents that they use to kill other kids (nice isn't it). Our family happens to own five copies of the first book, and the trilogy. I thought approximately 36 seconds on what to write, and came up with a guide on how to survive the hunger games.
First comes title!!!

STEP ONE: Don't get chosen. It sounds simple if you don't get chosen then you don't die.

STEP TWO:  If step one fails and you have to participate in the Hunger Games go looking like you just got hit by a train. With any luck they might do some sort of surgical enhancement on you, to make you stronger.

STEP THREE: If step one fails and step two fails then you must come up with a obscure talent that may or may not impress the judges. 

STEP FOUR: Don't kill any of the people who might possibly send you gifts.

STEP FIVE: Try to make friends with the giant mutant killer zombie squirrels.

STEP SIX: When in the games there are three ways that sponsors will send you presents.
1) You actually have a talent (I do not)
2) You are good at kissing people in order to make people like you (moms don't count)
3) You have good looks (nailed that one).

STEP SEVEN: This is possibly the most important step in all of the steps to survive the Hunger Games. In order to survive you must win the games. Its harder than it sounds.

If you follow these guidelines you have a (1/24) GREAT chance to WIN!
Lets end with an ending.